Brad Johnson: Welcome back to another episode of Do Business, Do Life. We have Demi-Leigh Tebow here with us today. Welcome to the show, Demi.
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Hey, Brad. Awesome to be here. Thanks for having me.
Brad Johnson: Yes. I’ve been really looking forward to this. Triad has been I feel like just quite the supporter of the work you and Tim do together with the foundation and we’ve had the opportunity to have him come out and speak a few times. And you’ve joined him as well a few times so it’s been awesome to get to know you as well. And I’m excited to dive into the new book.
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Thank you so much.
Brad Johnson: How’s the book launch going?
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Thank you. It’s been so fun. It has been awesome. It’s been on shelves for a week or two now, and it’s been so sweet to see the support that I’ve gotten. Having moved to the US just six years ago and having built a whole new community here has been so sweet. It’s truly been so wonderful but it’s also been a lot of hard work. That’s not easy to do and easy to establish yourself in a whole new continent. I felt like when I moved here, it was kind of starting over from scratch. And you think once you win something like Miss Universe, I remember somebody even told me, “Oh, if you win this title, your whole life will be set. Everything will be set out for you. You will always be successful.” And that just isn’t the case in real life, right?
That’s just not, you know, once you get that accolade, that prize, that perfect degree, there’s still so much work that goes into that future or that next step. And, anyway, it’s been so wonderful. This book has been truly one of the greatest joys of my life, getting to write it, the people I’ve had the opportunity of working with, and now seeing people hold it in their hands and giving me feedback. I love the emails that we’ve been getting and the reviews. Just love the impact that this book has had on their lives. And that really is the reason I wrote this book is hoping that it would be impactful to my readers.
Brad Johnson: Well, congratulations. And by the way, I didn’t share the name. So, it’s A Crown that Lasts. It officially dropped on my 44th birthday, August 13th, so great timing.
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Well, happy belated birthday, Brad.
Brad Johnson: Thank you. So, yeah, I want to just dive in because I know our time is limited today. So, one of the things as you start the book and you have a fairly well-known husband for those that haven’t put that together yet, Tim Tebow, and you share a story as you open the book of a, I don’t know if it’s a fun or a wild airport story, however you want a title, but I’d love to kind of kick the conversation…
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Chaotic maybe.
Brad Johnson: …off there.
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Well, Brad, to back it up a little bit, that airport story, it’s one of my favorites, just the opening of the book but it’s one of my favorite pieces I wrote in the book. So, even if that’s all you read, just read the first few pages. Definitely, you’re going to get a kick out of it. I walked off the stage in Thailand where I handed over my Miss Universe crown and Tim had literally flown across the world to be in Thailand with me to support me for this really kind of big moment in my life that is launching me into my next season post-Miss Universe, which is something that I’ve worked for for many, many years. And just as quickly as you get that crown put on your head, just as quickly, you give it back to the very next person.
And I remember walking off that stage feeling like I forgot something and, you know, like you’re traveling. I know you travel a lot, too. You’re traveling and you’re like, “Oh, man, I forgot something. Is my passport in the safe? You know, did I forget my laptop? What did I forget?” Like, just that feeling of something important is missing and I couldn’t figure it out for probably a couple of years. And in that being what I was missing and what I forgot, what I left behind, what I gave back was a big part of my identity because I rooted such a big part of that identity in that physical crown.
And Triad, I know your audience as people that are very successful, that is striving for excellence every single day, for greatness every single day. And it’s striving to get that next accolade, that next prize, that next, you know, probably a lot of competitive people listening to this conversation right now. And I just want to say that striving for those things are not bad. In fact, as believers, we are called to strive for excellence. The problem comes when we root our identity in something that is temporary. For me, it was a crown. Maybe for you, it’s that corner office or that annual prize or that next achievement.
I don’t know what that might be for everybody listening but I think we can all agree at some point or another, we’ve rooted our identity in something that didn’t last, and it’s in a spiraling into this rollercoaster of emotions, of feeling like we’re not enough, like we’re a failure, making us compare ourselves with others constantly. And that was what that crown did for me and that the airport story is a fun story. I opened the book with it. It just talked about in the airport, and I flew to Thailand with like six suitcases, all my belongings that I had accumulated throughout the years as my reign as Miss Universe.
And I ended up just having one suitcase that I was allowed to take back on the airline that I was flying. And it was an absolute debacle because I had six and I was trying to make six suitcases fit into one, which was impossible. And after I handed over the crown as Miss Universe, something that was like lying around everywhere were these magazine covers with my face all over them. It was like the program book of Miss Universe that year, and I felt like this was the last like tangible thing that I could hold on to. I had just given over the crown. I don’t get to wear the sash anymore. I just held on to these books.
And so, I grabbed like 40 of them. And, I mean, they’re big like glossy magazine like think of like the Vogue magazine books, you know, like they’re heavy. And I end up stuffing them into Tim’s suit bag, hang-up bag. And he was like trying to get through security with these 40 program books that weighed a ton. And so, we made it through security and maybe you’ll have to go and read the rest of the story. I’m just kidding. I won’t leave you hanging. But we make it through security and his suit bag like tears because it’s so heavy. And there’s just program booklets, magazines with my face all over them, all over the airport floor.
And I mean, one, that was so embarrassing. I was still trying to impress this guy, Tim Tebow. You know, we were just dating at the time. And anyway, there I was on the airport floor in like the security line, picking up magazines with my face all over them that just like scattered all over the floor. And I felt like those magazines were just as scattered as my identity at that point.
Brad Johnson: And you made Tim probably look like quite the, he looked like he was pretty into you with 40 magazines stuffed into his suitcase. Well, it’s interesting you share because I don’t know the pageant life, but I’m sure the amount of work that you had to do to come up and become Miss South Africa and then eventually Miss Universe, I’m sure it wasn’t too different from Tim’s pursuit of sports that he had in his life. I mean, it’s the same dedication to a craft just directed in a different direction. At what age did you start that pursuit of the pageant side?
Demi-Leigh Tebow: I think it’s a little bit different in South Africa to how things might work in the US. I think in the US, people are familiar with pageants, people starting pageants from a really young age, and you kind of have to do many of them before you actually win a big title. In South Africa, it’s a little bit different. Pageants are not that common I would say. I think my first pageant I did was I just wanted to win a couple of vouchers to the local mall, which was an hour away from the small town I grew up in and I’m just a girl that loves to go shopping. And so, that was like Little Miss Sunshine or whatever.
And when I participated in Miss South Africa, the one thing that really inspired me was the impact that so many former Miss South Africas had in their towns and their communities, but essentially in our country and in their world. And at first, as a young girl, I was so inspired by the ball gowns and the tiaras and the glitz and the glamor. But as I matured and grew older, I realized what really drew me to so many of the former titleholders were the fact that they were such a great inspiration and motivation to people around them that they were fighting for people that couldn’t necessarily fight for themselves, that they were serving as a voice to women all over the country. And that’s really what drew me to the Miss South Africa pageant at that point and would lead to enter in.
So, I didn’t do a lot of pageants growing up but I did prepare for quite a few years before I entered Miss South Africa. I was grateful to receive a college education and that was something that was very important to me and that I wanted to accomplish and finish before I pursued the Miss South Africa title because I knew that that would be a very big time commitment. And so, once I graduated, I entered the Miss South Africa pageant. And from the day that I entered to the day that the final was is about an eight-month process, and it was extremely rigorous.
It was, you know, you were kind of on a pedestal and in the public eye for eight, nine months at that time and the whole country actually has a pretty big say in who wins. They have a voting system. So, the country kind of really gets involved and you just feel like you’re constantly being watched by everyone and everything, especially with social media playing such a big role. So, it was a lot of work. It was kind of like you’re on all the time. I remember there were a couple of girls that competed with me and they couldn’t take all the leave. They ended up having to pause or quit their jobs at that point. That’s how intense this process was in order to compete in this pageant. And I was competing with medical doctors to people that were very highly qualified in all different types of industries. And that was such an honor to be able to share a stage with so many highly educated, highly intelligent women from all over my home country.
Brad Johnson: Yeah. I can imagine just the stress of that platform. And one of the things I love about both you and Tim is you’re unapologetically Christian, and I think that that is not always easy to do in today’s world. Because unfortunately, sometimes you’re taking some shots, whether it’s social media or whatever and I love that about the book. I’m curious, both of you have led pretty high-profile lives. And how do you balance the staying true to who you are with the kind of, let’s just say, all of the differing opinions that exist out in the world when it comes to social or people kind of putting you on blast? How do you process that?
Demi-Leigh Tebow: I think the easiest thing that I’ve found, and I’m definitely not perfect at that, but we all… No matter whether you have a large social media following or not, we all have a platform of some sort. Whether that’s in your business and the field that you work in, whether that’s in your community, we all have that platform and we were not ever going to be able to control, at least not to a big extent, of what people say about us or who speaks about our lives. But the one thing that we do have a form of control over is who we allow to speak into our lives. And I think for Tim and I, we’ve just chosen that that will be a very select group of people that we know love us, that we know care for us, and that we know have our best interests at heart. And I kind of call those people my pit crew. Somebody once told me, like, “Who’s your pit crew of people?”
Brad Johnson: Oh, your pit crew. Got it.
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Man, I just think of like, you know, we love watching the Formula One in South Africa. I just think, and I know the Netflix series blew up, but I just think of like that pit crew of people, like everyone has their role that they play. And when push comes to shove, like you need your pit crew of people. Who are those people and what’s their role in your life? And we usually need those people most when we go through a change of a season or when we go through a hard situation but it’s not easy to gain that pit crew of people in that hard situation. After I handed over my Miss Universe title, it really sent me spiraling into a waiting season, a season that felt just very lonely, very dark, very just, yeah, just couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.
And one thing that was really missing in that season was that pit crew. I didn’t have those people. And now that I do have that community, now that I’ve worked on building those relationships, it was really because I moved continents and I just knew no one quite literally. I know now how important those people are, especially when we know we’re going to face trials and tribulations at some point in our life. It’s one way that we can prepare.
Brad Johnson: Yeah. I’ve heard it said you’re the average of the five people you surround yourself with.
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Yeah. It’s crazy because I think it’s so true. I mean, I feel like I hear myself speaking the way my friends speak, doing the things, starting to like the same things that they like. And it really makes you think about it. Who are the people that I surround myself with?
Brad Johnson: Yeah. Couldn’t agree more. Well, I want to get into the book and I love the way you laid it out. So, kind of high level, part one is Dig. Go into part two, which is Plant. Part three, Grow. Part four, Flourish. And then there are some kind of lessons and stories woven in all throughout.
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Yeah.
Brad Johnson: I want to get into the, I think this is still in the first section. And you’ve hit on this a little bit but I’ve also heard Tim speak about it. He was a Heisman Trophy winner, probably universally known as one of the best college football players of all time. You were the equivalent of that in the pageant world, Miss Universe. That’s like the highest pedestal you can get to. And how do you detach the identity that comes with the material object or the accomplishment and who you actually are, like this is Demi the human, not Demi the Miss Universe? Because it feels like you were going through some of that process in the book.
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Oh, for sure. Yes. That was, you know, my subtitle is, “You Are Not Your Label.” And I think of the labels that I’ve been given that I didn’t want to wear but I also think of the labels that I liked wearing that eventually fell away. I liked wearing that Miss Universe label. It was taken away. I like being a big sister and I ended up losing my little sister. And it’s moments like that that can really rattle us a lot. I think that identity can so quickly be based in our life circumstances, you know, our relationships, our accomplishments, our life experiences can very easily make up our identity. But when we root our worth and value in our life circumstances, it can so quickly send us on a roller coaster of emotions, a roller coaster of feeling like we’re not enough, a roller coaster of comparison, etcetera.
I personally had to go and find out, “Well, how do I get to have a stable identity for the rest of my life where I’m not constantly, every single time my life circumstances change, I end up in an identity crisis? How do I get there?” And that took years of really digging deep and it’s one of the reasons I divided this book into four main sections, Dig, Plant, Grow, and Flourish.
The first section, digging, is going uprooting the tangled, messy, sometimes like dead roots of our identity that can be very deeply rooted in our lives and untangling them, pulling up those weeds in our lives, those weeds of doubt that was weeds that we think our identity should be rooted in. And then going and planting new seeds of truth and essentially, growing, becoming better, striving for excellence. Excellence just means to rise above, to essentially get to that flourishing phase. And one of the reasons I wanted to divide this book into these main four sections is not because I have a green thumb. This poor plant back here is literally in a self-watering pot that’s actually done a really good job.
Brad Johnson: I was going to say I didn’t even know those exist. They’re self-watering pot.
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Yeah. You just water them once a month and they like figure it out themselves. So, good job, buddy. But that was something that I had to go and figure out. And the one thing that I was able to see, “Okay. How do I have an identity that’s not ever-changing, that’s not always rooted in my life circumstances?” So, I realized that it has to be something that is really for things that is fixed, that’s never changing, that is always trustworthy and that’s bigger than myself.
For me, personally, the only thing that adheres to those four standards is my faith in Jesus. And not just in my faith in Jesus, but in all of his promises, not just the promises that he’s made but the promises that he’s kept throughout eternity, throughout my life because that is what I get to hold on to and that is what I get to root my identity in, the promises that he’s made about my life. That is fixed, that’s always trustworthy, that’s bigger than myself, and that’s never changing.
Brad Johnson: So, just going back because I’m tying timelines together here. So, you were Miss Universe in 2017, correct?
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Yes. Yes. 2017-2018, kind of like that, November to December.
Brad Johnson: And so, you hold the crown for a year and then hand it off the following year. So, that was 2018 you handed the crown off then?
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Correct. Yes. Yeah.
Brad Johnson: Okay. And so, there’s this guy, Tim Tebow, that’s chasing you around, trying to draw your attention. And so…
Demi-Leigh Tebow: That wasn’t very hard, to be honest. I kind of like him a lot.
Brad Johnson: So, you’re handing this off and back to kind of section number one, which is digging like, “What is my true identity?” So, it’s not just this thing that I was and now I lost. I heard Tim share a story at one of our Triad experiences about he won the Heisman Trophy, was put on this pedestal, goes into the NFL. Obviously, that didn’t work out exactly how he planned it, and it was kind of the same sort of identity crisis for him. And I remember he told a story about going, it was a third-world country, I don’t remember where, but somebody was wearing a Tebow jersey because it had been basically like sent overseas for people that didn’t have clothing.
And he put it together of, “Maybe what God had planned for me is he gave me a platform where I can now impact others. And that’s not my identity but He put me on a platform where now I have more reach and more impact.” As you were navigating that same thing, your journey, how much of your and Tim’s conversation kind of was parallel because he had gone through pieces of that? And I don’t know where in his football journey he was when that was going on in your world but how much of that was helpful as you guys were becoming a couple and navigating similar paths?
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Yeah. Brad, I think one of the kindest things that the Lord has done for us is the way that He’s aligned our paths and our purpose long before we ever even knew each other’s names. So, just a little backstory. In South Africa, where I’m from, we don’t watch football. I’ve never even seen football on a TV channel. And we love sports, but football is not one of it. So, we watch soccer but mainly rugby and cricket, and we’re really good at it too. So, if I may brag, we’re back-to-back world champs in rugby. So, shout out to our Springbok team there.
But I never grew up watching football. I’d never heard Tim’s name before. And actually, sweet story how we ended up meeting was through my little sister who was born with severe special needs and disabilities. And the Tim Tebow Foundation has a worldwide celebration that they host for people just like my sister. And it’s called Night to Shine, and it is hosted in 56 countries, as of this last year in 725 locations all around the world. And South Africa is one of those countries that it’s hosted in.
Certainly, after I won Miss Universe, I moved to the States and part of my contract was to be based in New York City for that year with the organization at that time. And I learned about Night to Shine because it’s in every single state around the US. And I heard about Night to Shine. I was even invited by somebody completely different to attend a Night to Shine. You know, at that point, we were traveling so much I wasn’t able to make it to one. But I heard about Night to Shine, obviously, because of my little sister and I was very interested in. And a couple of months later, this guy, Tim Tebow, that’s how I thought you said his name, reached out and said, “Hey, we have this worldwide celebration for people just like your sister and we would love your sister to attend. We have one in South Africa as well. You know, in this next year, we’d love to have her be a part.”
And, well, I always joke and say Night to Shine and my little sister was our matchmaker, and that’s just one of the ways that our lives and our purpose was aligned long before we ever even met. I think there’s many life experiences and circumstances that we faced separately before we ever even met that had aligned our purpose. And we now get to use our marriage as a vessel to live out our, I believe, individual but also purpose as a married couple, which is really special and truly one of my life’s greatest honors.
Brad Johnson: I had no clue that was how you met. I mean, like, you can’t write this stuff in a movie. It’s like so true to who the both of you are. So, I love that. Will you take a moment and share the story of your sister? I know that’s a part of the book. And she impacted your life obviously tremendously. So, would you mind sharing that for those that aren’t familiar?
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Yeah. Shortly after Tim and I met, actually, the next year, my sister ended up passing away at age 13. I think for such a big part of my life, she was ten years younger than me. As a teenager growing up, trying to make sense of my sister’s life was really hard. It was something that really rattled my faith that sent me spiraling into so many questions that I just didn’t get answers to. So many why questions. Why, Lord? Why did you allow this? Why is this happening to my sister? Why can’t she be healed? And there are so many of those questions that I have not received the answer to, and that I realize I might never receive the answer to until one day I get to meet my maker.
And I realize I can spend the rest of my life questioning God or I can choose to spend the rest of my life trusting God. And I also realize why, if I’m going to spend the rest of my life trusting God’s plan for my sister’s life, I’m also going to have to change that why question to a where question. Because when we’re asking God why, we’re questioning Him, right? But if I say, “Lord, where? Where are you in this? Where can you use this for your glory? Where is the purpose in this?” then I’m seeking Him. I’m seeking His hand in my sister’s life, in our family’s life. And, gosh, there are so many stories that I was able to write throughout this book, throughout A Crown That Last about my sister and just about the purpose that her life had.
I truly believe that a small glimpse of her life’s purpose was allowing Tim and I to be connected, was allowing our love for people to be formed in such a deep and beautiful way through my little sister. And now, every single year in February, we get to go and celebrate Night to Shine all around the world and that’s just a small part of my sister’s life’s purpose. I really believe that but I also trust that I am not going to know the full picture until one day I get to see and meet my maker. You know, Corinthians 13:12 tells us that for now I see a mirror dimly, but then face-to-face. For now, I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I am also fully known.
And what Paul is writing about here, what he’s saying is, in this lifetime, we are looking at a lens that is equivalent to like a brass mirror. Okay? It’s these mirrors that were kind of like poorly made in ancient Corinth, like, people didn’t have a lot of money, couldn’t afford a good, well-made mirror. And imagine looking into a piece of like copper or brass. It’s like those little like basically like a steamed-up mirror in the morning if you took a hot shower, you can only see a little reflection. You can’t see the full picture. And that’s what he’s saying. You know, in this lifetime, we’re not going to understand it all. We’re not going to see that full picture but we do get to have full trust and confidence in our maker and in His plans and purpose for our lives.
Brad Johnson: For those that aren’t completely familiar with your sister’s story, what special needs was she faced with and what did you learn from her? Because I’ve just found in life, until you truly are directly connected with somebody, you don’t truly understand. And so, if you wouldn’t mind sharing kind of her condition and then what you learned from her over the years.
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Yeah. I think a lot of what I learned from her, probably the biggest life lesson was to, you know, what I just spoke to was to not question God, but to trust Him and trust His plan and purpose for our lives. Franje was born without a cerebellum and the black and gray matter in her brain was disrupted and that left her with severe special needs and many disabilities throughout her life, completely dependent on us for survival. And, gosh, so many sweet stories throughout my sister’s life that something else that I can think of was cupcakes and the significance that cupcakes played in my life. My stepmom always had these cupcakes made for my sister’s birthday.
Franje couldn’t physically consume solid foods and so cupcakes were just easy to hand out to all of her party guests. And I had this opportunity to go and film this exciting new project in the beginning of 2019, shortly after I handed over my Miss Universe title. And I was so excited about it because it was going to be my next big thing, my next project that I get to work on. And that was a very big question that I had was what was going to be next? And, anyway, that ended up getting canceled due to a crazy weather condition but it enabled me to go back home to South Africa and to spend time with my family. And I was actually able to arrive like the day before my sister’s 13th birthday.
I was super bummed because this was going to be such a great opportunity for me that was now just completely off the books, and it just left me back to, “Well, what now? What’s next?” And definitely went back to South Africa, kind of bummed, pretty sad, and got to celebrate my sister’s 13th birthday with her, which was really sweet and special. And looking back, it was even more special because it ended up being her last earthly birthday. And, Brad, you won’t believe it but Franje ended up passing away a couple of months after her 13th birthday. And about a year later, I got a phone call from my team that I work with, and they said, “Hey, Demi, you remember that thing that got canceled last year? Well, they just called and the weather’s great. Everything worked out like it’s back on track and you leave in two weeks.”
And I was like, “Yes, great.” Got on the plane, got there, and our first day of filming this project ended up starting on Franje’s first heavenly birthday. And the morning I woke up, I was pretty sad because I was far away from Tim, from my family, in a different country that I’d never been to before. They didn’t speak the language, just felt lonely, and felt like nobody would really understand how hard this day is for me. And at the same time, I was supposed to be excited. And while, Brad, I walked into this like it was like the only hotel in that whole area so there weren’t a lot of options but walked into the breakfast buffet area. And there in the corner of the breakfast buffet was a stand filled with cupcakes.
Now, they were extremely stale. They were really hard to eat. I had to like dunk them in my coffee to like eat them. They were not great at all. Not the cupcakes my stepmom always bought for my sister. But that was such a God wink moment of, “Demi, you know what, I know today is hard for you, but I’m going to show up for you anyway, and I’m going to just give you this little God wink moment to know that I’m here, that I’m carrying you through this, and that you can always lean on me that I’m always, always near.” And that’s just one of the sweet stories that I get to associate with my sister’s life is how the Lord has shown up for me in my life in the hardest moments and chosen to be there in the midst of all of it.
Brad Johnson: Yeah. That’s so cool. I mean, a cupcake is still a cupcake, right? It was still.
Demi-Leigh Tebow: It was still a cupcake. And I got back to the table and the whole like crew members and people that were sitting next to me, we didn’t know each other very well. They didn’t know my story. They had no idea the significance of that specific day and they were like, “Demi, why are you eating those cupcakes? They’re so stale. They’re disgusting.” And I told them the story of why. I mean, I filled my whole plate up with cupcakes. It’s like all I had for breakfast.
Brad Johnson: Cupcakes for breakfast.
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Cupcakes for breakfast. And the moment I told them this story, they all stood up and left. And I was like, “Oh my, wait, did I just offend someone? Like, what just…? Did I say something wrong? Like, what just happened? Like, are we late? Am I supposed to go?” And the next moment everybody came back with a cupcake in their plate and just sat with me in solidarity, dunking really stale cupcakes in our coffee, and to celebrate my sister’s first heavenly birthday. And then it reminds me of like Proverbs 16:9 where it says, “In their hearts, humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps,” and just reminds me, you know, I had a plan and my plan was messed up. And I’m so thankful my plan got ruined because look at the beautiful, much bigger, much more purposeful plan that the Lord had in store for me.
Brad Johnson: Well, let’s jump to where we’re on adversity and not always things going as planned. In your book, you talk about, I didn’t know this, I didn’t know this part of your story. You actually were carjacked while in South Africa and that has to be a pretty traumatic experience. And you shared kind of a story and then the aftermath of that with your journey with therapy. So, I’d love if you would share that.
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Yeah. It was a very hard experience. I actually write the very full story in a lot of detail in my book but I’m thankful that I was able to get away from that situation. I remember weeks and even months after that situation it was so hard to get back in my vehicle and to drive. I mean, for really weeks after that, I would get up at four in the morning to just miss any kind of traffic jams where traffic is crazy if you’ve ever been. And I would literally get up at four in the morning to get to the gym, like right when it opened so I could leave at like six before there’s any traffic. To get to my next destination, I would like ride at all different hours of the day to just miss traffic. You know, sometimes I’ll just sit in the parking lot or like at a coffee shop for hours just to miss traffic because I was so fearful of what had happened.
I was carjacked at peak hour traffic, that was five in the afternoon, in broad daylight, by a bunch of armed men. And that situation was really hard but something that I learned was, my step mom is actually a neuropsychologist, and she still practices to this day, and she really encouraged me to seek help. One of the things I remember she told me was that the first step to healing is by admitting that you actually have a problem. And that was definitely it for me. I think it’s so easy to get into the victim mentality of thinking somehow, some way, some shape or form this was my fault. This was something that I did to bring over my life.
Yeah, I remember thinking, “Oh, Demi, you were too dressed up.” I was on my way to an event as Miss South Africa at the time. I was too dressed up. I was driving alone in my vehicle. I was an easy target. There were so many things that went through my head. And the reason we do that is because it’s easy to blame ourselves instead of someone else. I didn’t know what my perpetrators’ goals were. I didn’t know what their intentions were. I still didn’t know until this day. They were unfortunately never caught. But seeking that healing or that help was really the first step to healing. And one of the ways that I did that was by getting therapy, specifically MDR therapy, which works really great for anyone that’s experienced a traumatic situation. I’m obviously no expert. I can just speak to my personal experience.
But I believe if you seek to address a traumatic experience with, and I believe a 72-hour period from when it happens, it can really help to prevent that PTSD from occurring where after a traumatic experience, it’s apparently very common for people to experience acute stress disorder. And kind of getting ahead of that with as quickly as possible can really prevent that PTSD from forming. And I’m thankful that I did that. I’m thankful that I was able to work through that. And that wasn’t an easy road. I remember there were times even after receiving therapy where I was so nervous to even just take a shower because I was scared that with the water running, I wasn’t going to hear people coming into my house.
My perpetrators got away with my gate remote, some of my home keys, and that was very, very traumatizing in itself because I didn’t know if they were there for me. I didn’t know what their reasoning was. And are they going to come back for me or are they just there for my vehicle? They didn’t end up getting away with my vehicle due to the help of a couple of really awesome off-duty security men that hopped out of a minibus taxi and stopped them. So, there were just a lot of unanswered questions but once again, I just chose not to live in fear and to be a product of that circumstance, but to choose to work through it, and something really awesome that stemmed from it was the Unbreakable workshop that I started shortly after.
Brad Johnson: So, I’m just putting myself in your shoes. So, just another day, it’s 5 p.m., you’re driving. And people just pile out of a car with machine guns, and they’re carjacking you. Is that what happened? They’re like, “Get out, we’re taking your car,” and then you’re just standing there in the middle of the road while they take off. Or is that how it went down?
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Well, I mean, I was driving up a big avenue, 5 in the afternoon, peak hour traffic. I stopped at a red traffic light, waiting to take my turn. And the next moment, I saw multiple men approaching me from the left side of the vehicle. And then, when I looked to my right, I realized another man was approaching me from my side of the vehicle. We were driving the opposite side of the road in South Africa, and therefore, we sit in the opposite side of the car as if math isn’t adding up, that’s the reason why.
I had attended so many self-defense courses, so many safety driving courses that my dad forced me to go on. And once I was surrounded by multiple men, some of them were armed, it all happened so quickly, I remember two things. I remember it, one, just get away from the situation. I tried to do that. I tried to get out of the vehicle. I tried to run away. The guy on my side of the vehicle grabbed me by the wrist and yelled something to the extent of, “Get in, you’re going with us.”
Brad Johnson: Oh, wow.
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Sorry, this can still be hard to talk about sometimes. But I tried running away, and he tried to push me back in the vehicle. And that moment, I remembered something else that I learned, which was, don’t go to the second destination. Whatever is going to happen on this big avenue, broad daylight with hundreds of people around you, is probably not going to get better somewhere downtown with 10 other of their friends. And I realize I’m going to have to find a way to get a window of opportunity to get out of this vehicle and to run away.
And the other thing that I remembered was something that I had learned in a self-defense workshop was to punch someone really hard in their throat. And obviously, that’s lethal and that’s only to be used in a life-threatening situation like the one that I was in. And that’s exactly what I did. I punched the guy in his throat, and it bought me a very small window of opportunity to run away. And that’s exactly what I did.
But Brad, the most traumatizing part of that experience was not just being surrounded by these armed men, but it was running up that avenue and nobody would stop to help me. That was very traumatizing. Knocking on car window after car window, nobody would open. Nobody was willing to help. And it wasn’t until a 19-year-old girl pulled over, swerved across the intersection, and allowed me into her vehicle to get me to a safe space.
And so thankful for her for multiple reasons. One, she showed me what it meant to use what you have, where you are at to help someone in need. And that has really inspired me to be that girl for other girls around the world and that has inspired me to start my Unbreakable campaign back then. We just turned into a women’s empowerment workshop that I’ve been able to host around the world in different countries here in the US as well. And Unbreakable aims to uplift, educate, and empower women on how to prevent and how to handle and how to heal from unwanted situations like the one I was in, but also, other traumatic experiences, everything from abusive relationships to just overcoming comparison, overcoming everyday barriers, obstacles that we all face on a daily basis. And I am obviously no expert. So, I’m so grateful to be able to partner Westfield experts to bring those resources to women wherever I can.
Brad Johnson: Thanks for being okay to share that. I can’t imagine. So, thanks for sharing that. There’s so many lessons out of that. And as you started to unpack that as you went into therapy, and for those unfamiliar with, it’s MDR is the type of therapy?
Demi-Leigh Tebow: I believe it’s EMDR.
Brad Johnson: Oh, EMDR. What specifically in that process for you, as you were trying to get through this, stood out to you, for those that weren’t familiar? Like, how did you start to unpack all of that?
Demi-Leigh Tebow: You mean in the therapy?
Brad Johnson: Yeah, just like that, because I don’t want you to get into anything that’s personal, like on that level, but I mean, as far as that specific type of therapy versus another type of therapy, what was it about that that really helped you through that?
Demi-Leigh Tebow: I believe that I’ll have to go and really look this up and understand this. I’m not the field expert. I was just the person being counseled. But I believe it’s got to do with the way that your brain processes that traumatic experience with this specific type of therapy. It’s, I believe, actually a therapy where they use a tapping mechanism where the therapist is like tapping. And by doing that, it somehow correlates to the way that your brain is processing that traumatic experience. I remember having done that same type of therapy when I was little after we had somebody break into our home. And that just made me really scared of the dark because it happened at night. And that was something that really helped me work through that experience.
And so, when I went to this carjack situation, I knew that was a therapy that had worked for me before and that I wanted to pursue and try again. And I actually believe it was formulated by American psychologist that went through a very traumatic experience in New York City. If I’m going to butcher this, I might have to go and research. I have to verify the facts here, but I…
Brad Johnson: Well, the show notes, that’s the beauty of a podcast, is we can throw it in there.
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Yeah, I believe the therapist that developed this type of therapy went through a very violent situation in Central Park, and I think she developed this therapy after she had personally experienced something traumatic, and so, if I’m not mistaken, so yeah, definitely something to look into.
Brad Johnson: Well, my wife Sarah, who you’ve had a chance to meet when you were kind enough to invite us into your home, and Shawn’s wife, Aubrey, their own doing, Shawn and I had nothing to do with this, they came up with The Better Halves group for Triad, and so, I think it would be awesome if you’re up for it to have you come in and lead an Unbreakable workshop inside of Triad.
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Sounds awesome.
Brad Johnson: I will share this.
Demi-Leigh Tebow: That sounds awesome. We’ll definitely need to do that. Love that.
Brad Johnson: Well, speaking of things, we’ve had an opportunity to share. Just getting to know the both of you and the work you’re doing at the Tim Tebow Foundation, I had no clue. I mean, yeah, I did watch football growing up. I played football in college. So, I was well aware of Tim and his accomplishments on the field. But the work you are all doing now, and I’ll let you give context because I don’t even think I can do it justice, but the work you’re doing all over the world now when it comes to helping, whether it’s the Night to Shine, but also the work you’re doing in the human trafficking field, and when we came out to Florida, I was blown away. I think most Americans are completely unaware of what’s going on out there and the work you all are doing. So, if you don’t mind just sharing big picture, the work you’re doing, all of the countries you’re in around the world, and what you’re fighting against, I’d love to give you a platform to speak to that.
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Thank you so much, Brad. I think, that girl that stopped eventually and helped me in one of my deepest, darkest moments of need has inspired me to try and never be one of the cars that turned a blind eye for me, and after that carjacked situation, that was the moment that really served as a catalyst to me saying, gosh, for the rest of my life, can I at least try to be that girl that stopped, that was willing to help someone in need, that was willing to bring someone to safety that really needed that, whether that’s physically or emotionally? And like we spoke about earlier, it’s just one of the ways that my and Tim’s lives have been aligned long before we ever even met.
And today, we get to use our marriage as a vessel for our own individualized purposes, but also, the purpose that I believe we have together as a married couple. And I am so honored to be able to partner with the Tim Tebow Foundation and to work alongside my husband in so many ways to bring faith, hope, and love to those in their deepest, darkest hour of need. And we do that in so many different ways. We focus on orphan care and prevention. We focus on the fight against human trafficking and child exploitation.
Tim actually just completed his birthday fundraiser to be able to identify more victims of child exploitation so that we can identify them and get them rescued, get them to a safe space. Like I shared with you through my sister, we were able to serve children with special needs and disabilities all over the world. We have multiple hospitals in different countries where we focus on children with profound medical needs.
And so, all in all, there’s so many areas that we focus on, but when you really bring it and tie it down to one specific thing, it is to bring faith, hope, and love to those in their deepest, darkest hour of need. And it is truly one of my life’s greatest honor is to use the little that I have been given to be a voice for people that might not be able to speak up for themselves. And to do that alongside my husband is truly one of my life’s greatest honors.
Brad Johnson: Well, it’s an honor for us to be able to contribute the small amount we have for the amazing work you all are doing. And I just want to personally say, those accomplishments and the work you’re doing today, nothing against being Miss Universe or being a Heisman Trophy winner, but they trump all of those amazing accomplishments you had before, and it’s getting a chance to see firsthand the work you all are doing. It’s very inspiring to me and I know…
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Thank you, Brad. I appreciate that. I’ll just say one last thing is, we genuinely can’t take the credit for any of the impact that we have. But I will say you’re right. It does trump any of the accolades or prizes that we’ve ever been given because those things don’t last. But the one thing that does last is, and that can last for all of eternity, is the impact that we get to have in other people’s lives. And so, I think if you’re listening to this, that is one way that we get to have impact for all of eternity, that we get to accumulate crowns that will last for all of eternity, is through the impact we get to have in other people’s lives.
Brad Johnson: That’s said so well. On this earth, that’s the one legacy we leave behind after we’re gone, is how we impacted others and how they live after we’re gone. And that became really clear. I lost a close friend just a few weeks back way too soon, and he left quite the legacy behind. And it was just a good reminder to me of how I need to show up on the day. And it’s very imperfect, as you said. None of us are perfect, but you can sure strive to be better each and every day. Well, Demi…
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Sorry for your loss.
Brad Johnson: Well, thank you. Thank you. It was very sad. It was summed up well by a friend that knew him. He said it was the saddest and most grateful day he’d ever had, because it was quite the celebration of life, because he lived a full life and only lived 44 years. But it doesn’t make anybody less sad that he’s not here anymore.
Well, I want to say thank you, Demi. This was awesome. Love the conversation. I’m so excited for your first book, A Crown that Lasts. We’re going to buy a box or two. We’re going to give them away to some listeners, so we’ll figure that out with your team.
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Awesome. Thank you.
Brad Johnson: I’m really excited to be able to help you get the message out because you’ve got an awesome message to share.
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Thank you so much, Brad. Really appreciate that. Thank you.
Brad Johnson: You’re welcome.
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Thanks for having me. Thanks everyone.
Brad Johnson: Till next time.
Demi-Leigh Tebow: Thank you, Brad.
